It's a .....

Well, if you know anything about us then you know that we like to make everything in life a little more exciting than the norm. And it was no different for us when we made plans to find out if baby Calhoun was a boy or girl. Cory and I went to the doctor on Wednesday afternoon to have the 20 week ultra sound. As I was laying down on the table getting ready for the ultra sound, the technician asked "Do you want to find out the sex of the baby?" I just looked at Cory (b/c I am the one known to cave and not follow-through with the plan out of excitement). Cory explains that we do want to find out but not while we are there. She then asks if we would like for her to put the results in an envelope for us to take with us. We agreed that would perfect!

So, she started the ultrasound and up on the big flat screen television was our baby!!! It just blows you away!! The last time we saw the baby it was a spec on the screen. Not this time. The lady proceeded with ultra sound taking a closer look at the organs and brain while clicking all these buttons on her machine. It was so fun to see the profile, legs and feet. I commented on two occassion that the baby looked like it had long legs and big feet. The ultrasound technician followed up with "Yes, they do look big!" It was funny. It came to the end of the ultra sound and she told us to cover our eyes so she could look for the gender. Well, the baby was not cooperating at first. Although, I had just drank a Code Red Mt. Dew prior to the appointment to MAKE SURE the baby would open its legs. She had to poke around on my stomach and push quite hard for the baby to cooperate. I just laid there praying, "Please, Lord I don't want to have to come back. Please make this baby open its legs!!" It took what seemed like forever but probably about five minutes but finally the baby opened up. She captured the image and printed it to put in our envelope. The ultra sound was complete and then we had to wait to visit with the doctor.

Dr. P, my main doctor, was really backed up so she asked me if it would be ok if I met with her husband , Dr. H, who is also an OB/GYN. We were grateful to get out of there and find out the results -- so we agreed! Dr. H was fantastic. I have heard great things about him and they were all true. Energetic and very approachable. He said the ultra sound looked great and no concerns were noted. He said the baby measured about 14 ounces with 10-13 being average. (Looks like I was right about those legs and feet looking big!). So with the baby being that size, I measured about 6 days ahead! My due date doesn't change but just some info to keep in mind as I near the end.

So after knowing that the baby looks healthly off we left, to continue with our plans to find out if it was a boy or girl. (For the sake of competition, b/c I LOVE competion, we decided that Cory was thinking it was a girl and I was feeling strongly it was a boy!) We next went to Dillards and picked out a boy outfit and a girl outfit. We took the two outfits along with the envelope which contained the results to a clerk in Dillards. We explained to her that we only wanted to buy one outfit depending on the results in the envelope. This meant that Sherri, the clerk at Dillards that we had never met, would open the envelope and know the sex of our baby before we would! She aggreed to particpate. We left her with a 20 dollar bill and walked away while she opened the envelope and bought the correct outfit to wrap up. We came back in 5 minutes and she had put the outfit in a shirt box and then the receipt, our change and the result envelope in a bag. We took the box upstairs and had them wrap it. All along, we didn't know what was in the box!! So fun.

Next, we headed to dinner where we ordered cheese dip and opened the box. I opened it first and peaked inside to see if it was the boy outfit or the girl outfit while Cory captured the moment on camera. Then, I passed the box over to Cory for him to look while I took his picture!

Here is what was in the box:




Yes, its a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I truly felt in my heart it was a boy so I wasn't AS surprised. However, Cory was speechless for about 5 minutes. He was convinced it was a girl. We, of course, went looking for the results envelope. I scanned in all the pictures of our little guy with a little description below each on.


Then, we emailed the picture below to our families and called them to hear their reaction as they opened the email. This was plan B in how to tell them. Plan A was to call in an order of cupcakes in blue or pink for them to pick up and find out that way. However, bakeris were difficult so we opted for this way! Its the side profile of the baby with a jersey on!


I know this was a long post so thanks for hanging around to read it all! Cory and I feel so overwhelmed and excited about actually KNOWING the gender! That definitely puts you in "go" mode for name selection, nursery ideas, etc. We have not decided on any of those things but we have been working on it every day since last Wednesday. I can't believe we will have our little guy with us in about five months. We are so honored to have this opportunity. Its very overwhelming but very exciting. I can hardly wait to meet him.

CEC.

16 weeks.

I have officially reached the 4 month mark. Crazy! In this past month, I have definitely started to feel better, not near as nauseous. I am still feeling tired as I transition back into working full time but it is manageable. I got to hear the heartbeat on Wednesday. It was about 150, which is where it was last time. The doctor left the doppler on there for a while and we heard this big bang noise. It sounded like someone on the other end of the phone blew into the phone. I looked her and said, "what was that?" She just laughed and said the baby is being pretty active in there!! It still feels surreal to me. I am not far enough along to feel any of that movement yet so it is so shocking to hear it. Our next appointment will be the big ultrasound!! We are keeping the date of our appointment a secret :) We have some fun plans up our sleeve! Hopefully we won't deviate from our plan out of pure excitement!! Ha.



CEC.

12 weeks.

and growing.

Our Future Valentine.

Last Sunday at church we sang a simple song that has become a popular one for our worship service. Its a chorus that we sing over and over changing the name of what we call God throughout the song. The names are Holy, Righteous, Awesome, Faithful, Healer, Savior and All That. When it was time to sing Faithful, I was unable to sing for the tears that filled my eyes. The chorus goes like this --

I call you faithful

Your name is faithful

You are so faithful to me

I call you faithful

Your name is faithful,

Faithful you are

And faithful you'll be

God has showed his Faithfulness to us in a whole new way over the past several months. Here is how --

If you have followed the blog or know us well then you know about our miscarriage that occurred in January of this year. After that month, Cory and I took a couple of months to truly meditate and understand the purpose of this event in our lives. We definitely grew as a couple and individually as we talked about what God has taught us. I feel that I was stretched to a new level of understanding God and myself. Honestly, as I reflect on those months of my life I would not have changed one thing. Even though it was probably the hardest months of my life, God was orchestrating the events and I felt completely in the middle of His will. And there is not sweeter place than the palm of his hand.

Fast forward about 4 months and we find ourselves at the end of May. I woke up early on a Saturday morning and just knew I had to take a pregnancy test. It was about 4:45 a.m. I took the test and within no time it was POSITIVE. I was speechless. Tears filled my eyes and my heart was beating out of my chest. I ran to the bedroom (test in hand) and woke Cory up. He sat up so quickly but so confused. I showed him and he was definitely speechless. We talked about it for a second and then feel back to sleep! :) I didn't. I layed there in bed from 4:45 till 8:00 -- WIDE AWAKE. I had a little worship service in my bed! Thanking God for being so faithful to us as I knew he would be but at times I was guilty of doubting it.

The following Monday I went to the doctor to have my blood work checked. The numbers were extremely better than last time. We had decided to wait until we had our first ultra sound to tell anyone. The hardest part was spending the next week in Florida with my family and not telling them. I just didn't want anyone to spend their vacation worrying about me. At 6 and a half weeks, we had the ultra sound and saw the heartbeat. WOW. It was 130 BPM. I could hardly believe it. Dr. P was nothing but encouraging. When she came in the room to do the ultrasound, before she could even get "hey" out I said "I'm so nervous I think I'm gonna be sick!" She was so wonderful in calming me down. The ultra sound said I was due on Valentine's Day exactly.

At this point the only person we had told was my dear friend and neighbor Erin (who also miscarried a baby when I did and is pregnant again due a couple of weeks before me!) And Cory told our niece Tilly while we were in Florida. She was only 10 months at the time. One afternoon everyone was outside and Cory was playing with her and he just randomly says "Tilly, we are going to have a baby!" I was across the room on the computer and I looked up at him so quickly. He looked at me like he was caught, shrugged his shoulders and said "She can't talk -- she won't tell anyone!" We were dying laughing.

So on July 4th, we decided to tell our families. My 16 year old cousin from St. Louis was in town for a soccer tournament right before the 4th of July. She helped me decorate some heart shaped boxes and we put a copy of the ultra sound in there with a Baby Ruth candy bar! We gave them to each our parents! They were of course thrown off as to why we were giving them a Valentine's present, but pleasantly surprised with the news. (O and by the way, they were all onto me during our trip to Florida and knew I was pregnant -- so much for hiding it! )

Yesterday, we had our appointment to hear the heartbeat! Dr. P was able to find it right away! She just looked and me and said "You made my job easy!" The heartbeat was 150 BPM. Even after seeing the baby at 6 1/2 weeks and hearing the heartbeat yesterday, I find it hard to believe. It just doesn't seem real. We could not be anymore excited about the idea of being parents and probably frightened all at the same time. I have many things to be grateful for throughout this process. A small thing that I am most grateful for is that by the time I go back to work I'll be very close to the end of my first trimester and hopefully be rid of this nausea and tiredness!!

"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him" I Samuel 1:27.

God has been faithful.

CEC.

My heart will choose to say, "Lord blessed be your name"

The blog title comes from the refrain of the Christian song titled "Blessed Be Your Name" the lyrics say the following:


You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name


These lyrics were based on the verse in Job chapter 1 verse 21. Where Job says, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."


This verse and these lyrics have never been more true to Cory and I as it is now. Over the weekend, we experienced the miscarriage of our first pregnancy. The experience was scary and involved an ER visit while we were in Tulsa for the day on Saturday visiting family. I believe that the Lord prepared my heart long before the experience occurred. I truly felt that He impressed upon my heart that something was different about this pregnancy. It was discovered through doctor's visits and the ER visit that it was a weak pregnancy with low progesterone levels. This miscarriage was diagnosed as "spontaneous." The baby was about 5 and a half weeks along. The fortunate part is that my parents were in town for the weekend and were able to be a big support for us.


Physically, we are exhausted from all of the pain and doctor visits. Emotionally, we have been on a rollercoaster. Spiritually, we have held tight to Job's words in Job 1:21. During this process we prayed for either healing of my body or peace. The Lord chose to give us both, but not in the manner of our intent. He has given us a peace that passes all understanding and instead of physical healing he has given us a spiritual healing. I have said this a million times to my friends and family but I truly believe that we have many, many things to be grateful for through this experience. Although the miscarriage did occur, he protected us and kept us safe. He guarded our hearts and has wrapped us up in the arms of His love.

If you have read the blog before then you know my dear friend, Jill Jarvis Attebery. As I layed in the ER, my thoughts went directly to her. She also experienced a miscarriage. I remember talking to her after I returned from my honeymoon in 2005. She asked me all about my honeymoon and then at the very end of the conversation she told me about her miscarraige that occurred while we were gone. She was so brave, so stinkin' brave. I remember where I was sitting in my duplexe. I had to hold back my tears as we talked. She talked about that verse in Job and was so at peace about the experience. At her funeral in November 2008, the pastor read from her journal the day after her miscarriage. I won't get this exactly right but she wrote something to this effect in her journal, "Surely Lord you are no less good today than you were yesterday!" As I layed there in the ER, Jill was ministering to me. She is no longer alive but her dear words and actions still resonate in my heart.

As the title of this blog says and echoing the lyrics to the song, our hearts are choosing to bless the name of the Lord throughout the loss of this child. It is a choice -- a hard choice -- a daily choice, but one we feel glorifies God which we know was the ultimate purpose of this loss. Many unknowns plague our future. Unknowns that are hard to wrap this organized and planner-type brain around. We pray for continued healing of our hearts and guidance for our future.